Exploring My Passions

I have two joys in life that I’m equally passionate about. The first is writing. The second is helping others. When I write, I feel as though my mind is free. I can travel to a different place and time, even while writing about the present. When I help others, it helps me. It makes me feel better about myself

knowing that I was there to
help someone. I think that my mother reinforced a lot of positive attention when my siblings or I would help her, my father, each other, or anyone. And doing so, it made me feel better about myself. Now, when I help someone it makes me feel like I’m needed,  whether it be emotionally, a random act of kindness, kissing my nephews forehead when he bumps it, etc...

If I was told my wish would be granted for the one thing I wanted to do every day for the rest of my life, I would choose to help people through writing. It’s both of my passions woven together. I suppose that I could be a self-help author, but that doesn’t seem to interest me that much. I would want to write novels that inspire people (like The Alchemist). I would want to help people through my writing just as Paulo Coelho has. That would be amazing if I could succeed at something like that. Who says I can’t? Maybe someday I will. But, since my major is nursing, maybe I could write children’s books for kids who are ill. Maybe I could read them to them before they fall asleep at night. I think that would be just as amazing.

I would like to be of service to anyone who needs the help. The key word there is needs, not wants. Sometimes people don’t want help, but don’t realize that they need it. Maybe they would realize it from my writing. Maybe a message I put into it will stick out to them and make them realize the help they need. And I would also like to help children. Children are so kind and innocent from the start, it’s a shame people become bitter as they grow. But with children, you can teach them things more easily than you can teach adults. And when you teach a child something important, it will stay with them forever. There are many important qualities and lessons my mother has taught me to raise me into a good person, that have been and always will be with me forever. Maybe if I start with the children, their generation will pass it on and make this world a better place. 

This Week's Poem About My Passion: 

A Dance With Passion

Helping others 

When they're in need

Into the pages

My words bleed

From random acts

Of kindness

To the paper as

My canvas

Merging into one

What a beautiful thing

It makes me so happy

It makes me sing

When I found it, I felt complete

Like a whole was filled inside me

It opened my eyes and showed me love

Which in the end set me free

I don't know what the future holds

Whats meant to be will be

But I'll love it forever

And ever, and ever, you see?

Turning Lead into Gold

Santiago, a shepherd, has a reoccurring dream of finding buried treasure near the pyramids in Egypt. On one of his travels with his sheep, he comes across the path of a gypsy woman who claims to be psychic. Santiago tells her about this dream of his, and she tells him that he should go to Egypt. The next character that Santiago meets is the "King of Salem" or Melchizedek, who tells him that going to the pyramids is his personal legend. Santiago eventually sells his sheep and heads to Tangier. While in Tangier Santiago works in a store with a crystal merchant, who teaches him about omens. And in turn, Santiago teaches him to take risks with his business. After about a year, Santiago takes the money he has earned from working for the crystal merchant and continues on his journey to the pyramids. He joins a caravan to get to Egypt and meets and Englishman who is studying alchemy. The Englishman tells Santiago a little bit about alchemy and the alchemist that he is looking for. The caravan stops at an oasis, and Santiago meets Fatima, the love of his life. He also meets the alchemist here. The alchemist and Santiago travel through the desert together, and the alchemist teaches him a lot about the Soul of The World. Santiago arrives in Egypt alone, and is robbed and beaten by some thieves when digging for his treasure. When Santiago told them why he thought there was treasure (his dream), one of them men says they had a dream of finding treasure under a sycamore tree near an old church in Spain (Santiago's home). He returns to Spain and finds his buried treasure and plans to return to Fatima to live happily every after.

When Santiago is in the desert with the alchemist, and captured and accused of being spies in the tribal wars, the alchemist explains that Santiago is an alchemist and that he could destroy their tents

with wind. The chiefs don't believe it, until they see it. So Santiago shows them. He is having a conversation with the desert, the wind, the sun, and the hand that wrote all. I thought this part was lovely. Not just the imagery in the writing, but the symbolism behind it. I took this part as Santiago becoming in tune with all the different parts of him; his body, his mind, his heart, and his soul. He became aware of and in touch with every part of himself. Doing so, he realized that he is capable of anything. I believe that if anyone realizes this power within themselves they will be successful in anything they desire to accomplish. I hope that I can fully come in touch with these aspects of myself someday.

There were parts in The Alchemist that I didn't enjoy, but maybe if I read it again I'll understand it more enough to enjoy it? I'll have to try that, after all I've got nothing to lose, only something to gain.

I liked that the book was inspiring in symbolic ways. It reminded me of The Secret, except not as general. The way they The Alchemist told stories within the story made it seem very wise. It got me to think about a lot of things, from which I made my own interpretation about, rather than being told directly. I did not like that Santiago traveled all the way to the pyramids just to discover that his treasure was at home. To me, it seemed like it was a huge waste of time. I think that he could have found his Personal Legend without going on such a long journey. 

I would not recommend this book to a friend that is my age. I feel as though it is more for people who are already aware of who they are, not still learning and growing into the person they'll become. I would, however, recommend this book to my mother, my father, and my brother Stephen. I believe they would enjoy it a lot. I think that my brother Stephen would discover many things about himself from reading it. I think that my mother would become more confident in herself from reading it. And I think my father would realize that he is only living to survive, and maybe it would inspire him to discover his personal legend. 

This Week's Poem about The Alchemist:

The desert is like the body

Confined to one physical place

Changing and growing,

Yet always in the same place

The mind is like the wind

Traveling everywhere

Just like our thoughts,

All up in the air

The heart is like the sun

Thinking it knows all

But when the heart does not have the answer,

Who does it call?

The hand that wrote all, 

Or in other words the soul

Which will always lead you

To your own personal goal

All four forms

Coming together as a whole

Each one, providing their own

Uniquely special role

To open the eyes

And the ears to hear

Beyond the doubt

Beyond the fear...

Less Attitude, More Gratitude

When I wake up on Monday morning, all I want to do is go back to sleep. I don’t want to think about going to work, or school, or dealing with any social encounters. I’m exhausted from the weekend, from seeing friend’s I've been neglecting to running errands, doing homework, and making some time for my family. 

“Five more minutes,” I tell my boyfriend when he tells me to get up. What I mean by five more minutes is that I do not want to go to work today. But, I know that I have to, so I drag myself out from under the covers, hop in the shower and begin my day. 

When I’m leaving my house, I’m dreading sitting in the traffic that’s clogging up the interstate. I wish my car could drive itself while I nap on the way to work.

The things I take for granted

I am lucky and privileged enough to have a great paying job (for someone with no degree). I've been there for six months, and although I don’t hate it, it doesn't satisfy me anymore. I find myself becoming more and more bored of my same old routine every day. Most of the time, I think of my job as an annoying responsibility that I have to commit to. But, I should be more grateful to have the opportunity to be able to make money and have a full time, year round position. 

The other thing I take for granted is my car. It’s a 2007 black Toyota Corolla. It has only had one previous owner, and the miles were really low on it when it came to me. My parents bought it for me as a gift when I graduated from high school. I forget sometimes how fortunate I am to have a nice, reliable car that’s great on gas. I don’t take care of my car as well as I ought to. It’s a filthy mess to be honest. Not with trash, but with clothes all over the back seat, and the nasty cigarette stench that fills it from me smoking in it over the years.

The people I am grateful for

There are little day to day things that I've began to noticing more and more after studying gratitude in this course. Things that I used to take for granted, but am now very grateful of.

I am grateful that my parents bought me a car for graduation. I never expected them to do such a thing. My first car was a 1997 Purple Pontiac Sunfire. I had worked all summer when I was 15, and bought the car all on my own. It was totaled a year later, due to rusting underneath. After that, I would borrow my Mom’s car when I could, and I started saving for another car that I had my eye on. I went away with some friends after graduation, and when I came home, my Toyota Corolla was waiting in the driveway for me. I couldn't believe they had bought it for me! I couldn't be more thankful to have parents like them.

I’m unable to park at my job. When I started, I would take a water shuttle that goes directly to my office. I was able to take it for free, because the company I work for ran it. But then my boyfriend started offering to drive me over every morning (its five minutes from his place). He then drops me off, goes to the Dunkin Donuts right down the street, and texts me to come outside because he got me a coffee. I’m so grateful to have such a caring, generous boyfriend. He’s always doing little things like this for me without me even asking him to.

Taking in the good

Instead of feeling stressed out between work and school, I could “take in” the fact that I’m able to commit to both. Not everyone is able to have a job, and not everyone is able to further their education. But I am doing both, and although it can sometimes be overwhelming, I should learn to appreciate the good in both of them (the money, experience, and the knowledge). At first it will have to be a conscious effort for me to take in the good, but soon I will be able to do so without even realizing.

5 Haikus of Gratitude

The land of the free

Home of the brave, U-S-A

Its where I reside

The money I make

The experience I have

They keep me alive

My family and friends

Always there when I'm in need

So glad they love me

The knowledge I gain

From attending the classes

I take in college

Every day I wake

To a sun rising up high

I am so grateful

Obstacles To Overcome My Fears

I suppose that my fear of failing school and the fear of the unknown could go hand-in-hand. I think that I would be unhappy if I ended up being stuck at my current job, living pay check to pay check because I failed school. And although I know how it would make me feel, I do not know what my life would be like. I just can't picture it. I suppose it would be like it is now, but with no potential of getting better. It is unknown to what my day to day would be like if I were to fail out of school.

Yes, one could argue that it is unknown what my life would be like even if I am successful in school and start my career as a nurse. But I know that it will be satisfying and that I will have the opportunities to do more than I am doing now. Being the

empathetic person that I am, I believe that I will make a good nurse. I think that helping other people will help me feel good about myself and make me feel as though I am making a difference in the world. I'm as compassionate for helping other people as I am loyal to other people. I'm a very loyal girlfriend, daughter, sister, and employee. I believe that once I finish school I'll go far in life because of these assets I possess.

I'm trying to be a healthier person both mentally and physically since I'm on my journey to becoming a nurse. I have recently joined the gym, and have been going three days a week. It's not that I didn't exercise before, but I didn't make it a priority. Paying money for a gym memberships motivates me to go and exercise so that I get my moneys worth. This helps me both mentally and physically. To help me stay mentally/emotionally healthy, I journal. Whether it be poetry, made up stories, or just my thoughts from the day, I always write it down. Just as I'm doing now. I find that letting my feelings out through journaling helps me be a less stressed, and a more happy person.

Fear of Battle

Hey, ya'll might think I'm crazy

For the fear that I carry

And if I fail school

Ya'll might think I'm lazy

Now don't call me a baby

For bein' ascared of the dark

In the unseen waters

Could be lurkin' a hungry shark

Thats ready to take a bite

Right out the side of me

But you see,

No, you don't see,

Cause theres nothin' but black

And in the unknown world

It's courage I lack

But the cowardly lion

Gained some guts

And if he can be fearless, maybe

I should grow some nuts

Free My Mind

I'm sitting at my desk in my office. My stomach grumbles, and I look up to see if my boss notices. She is sitting at her desk, right across from me. Just before another rumble comes, I put a wad of cash into the cash machine because it's loud enough to drown out the sound of my stomach. She didn't look over at me, so if she did hear my tummy, she must've ignored it. But I'm hoping she the noise of the cash being counted blocked it out.

"I'm going to grab some lunch," I say as I stand up and push my chair in.

She replies with an "alright," and doesn't even look at me. I wonder if I annoy her. I'm not sure what brings this thought on, but I'm suddenly aware of it. I push it out of my head, and tell myself that's not the case.

I step outside and feel the warm sun shine on my skin. I'm not sure where I'm going to stop for lunch, I guess I'll see where my stomach (and my wallet) take me. As I'm crossing streets, my mind is wondering to how badly I want a cigarette. Trying to quit, I tell myself that I don't need it.

"I don't need it, I don't need it, I don't need it..." I repeat in my head over and over again.

I become conscious of the fact that I'm walking into a familiar pizza place where I eat lunch every now and again. Delicious and cheap, good thinking stomach.

I grab a diet coke out of the fridge, and notice that it says "Share a DietCoke with SEAN" 

My lips curve to form a half smile. Sean is my boyfriend, so I snap a picture of the bottle and send it to him. Then, I ask for two slices of cheese pizza, pay with cash, and sit at one of the tiny tables inside. The pizza is hot, and every time I take a bite, the cheese stretches from it to my mouth. I eat slowly, wanting to taste every bite.

I look at my phone, and the time says "1:30." I'm only allowed a 1/2 hour for break, so I finish up and throw away my trash. When I walk outside, I see a man smoking a cigarette. I have the urge to ask him if I can steal one. But I don't. I keep walking, towards my office. When I cross the street, I stop in front of the 7/11.

"I don't need it... I don't need it... I don't need it..."

"Well, maybe I'll buy a pack and just have a couple. I'll limit myself to 5 a day this week."

My thoughts trick me to justifying my bad habit. I walk into the store.

"A pack of Marlboro Reds, please." I say

"Sure, ID?" asks the cashier.

I take out my wallet, hand over my license, and the $10.14.

"Thanks," I nod to the guy behind the counter.

Next thing I know, I'm holding a cigarette between my lips and lighting it up.

"I don't even remember opening them," I think.

But I shrug off the thought and continue back towards my office. Just as I reach my desk, I feel my phone vibrate and the name "Sean" pops up.

"Haha that's cool!" he texts, "Oh, btw I want a cigarette so fucking bad."

We're both trying to quit.

"How many have you had today?" I type back

"2" He responds.

Immediately, I feel guilty. I just had my 4th one. And I bought a full pack. I don't tell him, and he does not ask.

These cigarettes are going to be the death of me.... literally. I mean, of course I hope that's not the case, but they're putting a toll on my lungs, my mouth, and my wallet. It's sad, but my wallet concerns me more than my health does. Cigarettes are so fucking expensive, is it even worth it anymore?

No, it's not. But I can't stop. As bad as I want to, as hard as I try, I give into the craving. I'm weak, and nicotine controls a part of me.

Finally 5 o'clock has come and I'm walking home from work. I'm thinking about school, and all of the assignments I need to do. I'm thinking about work, and everything I'll have to do tomorrow. I'm thinking about my family & friends, and plans that I've made with them. I'm thinking about my bed, and how badly I want to crawl under the covers, forget every obligation I have, and just sleep. But then...
(This week's poem)

When I Stop, I Notice

When I stop, I notice

The beauties of life

And it makes me forget

About my pain and strife

Of course its temporary

But it puts me in a trance

When I watch the wind

Make the trees dance

The colors of the sun

Setting in the sky

A waterfall pouring off

A cliff up so high

The fresh crisp smell

Of the morning air

Watching the rain

As it hits the ground

Crushing the leaves

In Fall that have browned

The charming elegance

That nature endures

Is the only thing that cures

My mind from traveling

Down dead end roads

Setting me free,

To see,

The beauty 

That the present holds.

Everything Happens For A Reason

I was sitting outside on my Aunt's porch soaking up the hot July sun. Music was playing, kids were laughing, beers were being drunk, and there was plenty of food to last us all night. It was a small get together for my cousin Kyle's going away party. He was joining the Navy. My dad was in work, but I was expecting my mom to arrive any minute.

*Ring...ring-a-ling...ring...ring-a-ling* 

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I looked at the screen to see an unknown number calling me.

"Hello?" I answered

"Hi, Molly?" The voice replied

"Yes, who's this?" I asked

"It's your mom's friend, Maureen"

"Oh, hi. Are you looking for my mom?" I questioned

"Actually, sweetie, I'm with your mom now. She asked me to call you and tell you that she's not going to make it to your Aunt's today."

"I see, is everything okay? Can I talk to her?" I began to worry

"Well she can't come to the phone right now. She's okay, but we're at the hospital. She's going to be admitted."

"What happened? Was there an accident???" I was now panicking

Before Maureen could answer me I quickly added, "What hospital? I'm coming there now."

At that moment, I heard my mother's voice on the line

"Molly, I'm okay. There was no accident. I just need to get some help for myself" she told me

"Why, mum, what's wrong?" I gently demanded

"Well, I won't lie to you," she began "I was having some scary thoughts in my head and I wanted to die." 

Tears immediately began to fall from my eyes. I felt like there was a huge lump in my throat that prevented me from speaking. I had no words to say, my mind was racing.

"Are you there?" My mom called out on the other end of the line after a short silence between us.

"Yeah," I barely let out

"Okay, I just wanted you to know. I didn't want you to find out from someone else," she admitted

"Can I come see you?" I begged

"Not right now, they're going to be admitting me, then transferring me to a different hospital. Once I'm settled in there I will call you and tell you the visiting hours." 

"Can't I just come wait with you until then?" I pleaded

"Molly, no" my Mom began to choke up, "I have to go, the doctor just walked in."

"I love you" I confessed

"I love you, too" she said, and I could hear the tears in her voice.

*Click*

I couldn't stay at this family party any longer. I wasn't enjoying myself. I didn't want to tell anyone about the phone call I had just received, so I made up some lie and said I had to run. I drove home in silence by myself. But the thoughts in my head were louder than any car radio could ever go. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry. My brother took his own life 9 years before, and now my mother wants to take hers too? 

"What did I do to deserve this, God? What did my mother do to deserve this? Are we such bad people that we have to suffer with internal pain?" I yelled at the sky when I arrived at the cemetery.

I hadn't even planned to go here, but I found myself pulling up next to my brother's grave. 

"YOU did this to her! I hope you understand that, I hope you can see how much pain you've caused this family!" I shouted at his grave stone from my car. 

I knew that was why my mother was feeling the way that she was, even though she did not admit it to me. She wants to be with him, I thought. I became furious at my dead brother for the first time.

"I don't even care about me, Mark, but how could you do this to Mum?? She has never been anything but caring and loving and making us a priority before herself. And then you go and do something like this!? Give her the strength to make herself better, it's the least you could do. I don't care what it takes, she's not going with you. You chose to leave, you don't deserve her. She's the most amazing woman I know, and you're missing out!" 

I held my head in my hands, and wept until I had no more tears. I was confused, hurt, and so very angry. 

The next day, my dad called my siblings and I into the dining room. 

"Listen," he told us, "I'm going to see your Mom in the hospital, and you come if you'd like, but I'm going to need some time alone with her when we get there."

"I'm coming" I announced

None of my other siblings wanted to go, which made me angry with them. But, they reacted the same way when Mark had died. None of them were ever open or honest, they always hid behind a mask to bury their true emotions. Which is exactly what my mother had been doing, she revealed to me when I finally got to see her in person.

"I've been lying to myself, telling myself that I was okay. That I was happy, even. I realize now that I haven't been, and that's why I'm here. I need to make myself better" She declared.

She spent some time there learning new ways to cope, and how to live her life without thoughts of constantly wanting to die. When she got home, things didn't change right away. I looked at her in a different light. As if she were a tiny infant, so sensitive and fragile. I felt the need to take care of her.

Now when I look back on this experience, I no longer feel angry at Mark, or any of my other siblings. And I'm no longer confused about my mother's pain, or why God put our family on this path. My mother got the help that she needed, and is a stronger, happier, more truthful person because of it. 

Anger was one of the five stages of grief that I hadn't really experienced after Mark's death. But when I thought my mother was going to end up in the ground with him, that's when I became heated. This experience helped to go through that stage, with a reason, rather than not knowing why I was angry. I learned that there are no time limits on grief, and there's no specific order in which you would go through each stage of it.

I learned that I can get through anything, no matter how hurtful or difficult it may seem. And now, I take things in stride because I know that theres a lesson that will come out of it all. Everything happens for a reason, good or bad, even if we can not see what that reason is. I believe this with all that I am, and it gives me hope to get through any challenges that come my way.

My poem below is about my opinion on psychological alchemy and what it means to me. Hope you enjoy....

Alchemy

What is true happiness?

It's different to all

To each is their own,

But most are unknown

When you capture the dark

The fear, the sorrow

And find the marvels that hide

You will have a better tomorrow

Do not be powerless of each day

Doing what you do just to get by

For as a wise man once stated in a very wise book,

That this is, "the world's greatest lie"

Society today creates a world 

That we are all supposed to follow

Yet by doing so, we find

That inside it makes us hollow

We yearn for more out of life

We set goals to our dreams

But set them aside

As we try so hard

To work out the extremes

But they are only extremes

Because society says so,

So next time you hear that "you can't"

Just get up, and go

Live your life without the rules

That are instilled within the walls

Of all of our lives

And travel the halls

Of your mind

To find

Your desire

And live them out

Before they expire

Memories That Made Me, Me.

There are many instances that I can recall from my life (so far) that have taught me lessons, and taught me aspects about myself that I had never known before. A lot of these encounters have shaped me into the person I've been, the person I am, and the person I'm ever becoming. I've already written about a few of these moments in this blog, but this time I'm going to switch it up and write about other experiences that have well, made me - me....

The United States Air Force

I was 20 years old when I made the decision that I wanted to join the military. I wasn't quite sure why, but I felt the desire to serve for my country and make a living of it. I spoke a lot about it with my brother, Stephen, who had served two terms over seas. One in Iraq, and the other in Afghanistan. He was a part of the National Guard, which he stressed to me that I should not join that branch of the military. I was convinced that I wasn't very intelligent as I hadn't gotten accepted to any of the seven colleges I applied to after high school. But, I studied as hard as I could and I took the ASVAB, which is the "placement" test for the military. I ended up doing much better than I had ever imagined! This was when I realized that I had more potential that I had realized. I wanted to do something in the medical field, and let the military pay for me to go to nursing school. I was given a list of jobs that I qualified for in the Navy, and in the Air Force. In the end, after a lot of soul-searching and research, I chose the Air Force because it seemed like the best branch in my opinion. Out of the list of jobs I was given, one job stuck out the most to me. It was para-rescue, which in brief, is jumping out of a plane into a hostile environment to help an injured soldier. This job came with medical training, which I thought would come in handy since I wanted to go to nursing school. Not to mention that I thought it was extremely badass to jump out of a plane into a hostile environment. I told my recruiter that this was my number one job. With regret, he told me that I could not have that job, even though I had qualified for it. This was because it was special-ops, something that is only open to men. That is, until 2018. In four more years, women will be allowed to fill these special-ops positions as well. At that moment, I decided to wait. I decided to get my nursing degree on my own, without help from the military, and once I graduate, to join as an officer. This way, I will have a better knowledge, and more options of what I can do in the Air Force. I don't know if I'd still want to do para-rescue by the time 2018 is here, because I'm not sure where I'll be in life. What I mean by this is, I'm not sure if I'll be a mother, a wife, or have a different dream or goal. I still look forward to it as of now, in this moment, but I will not limit myself to it. I will work towards it and see where life takes me from there.

My body is my canvas...

This is an actual photo of my tattoo,
taken by the artist right after it was completed

Well, I guess I should rephrase that since I'm not a tattoo artist; My body is my tattoo artist's canvas. At the age of 22, I have six tattoos. Most of them are small, but they all have a lot of meaning to me. I thought a while about getting a very big tattoo on my arm, and eventually creating it into a sleeve. I knew that this would be a big decision because I would have it imprinted on me forever. I came to the decision that I would do it. So I looked up a lot of different places and artists until I found "the one." I made the choice to get a half sleeve that extends onto the back of my shoulder as well. It is three roses; one closed, one blooming, and one that is fully bloomed, a dream catcher, and a humming bird that is "feeding" off of the semi-opened rose. I thought about getting it all in black and grey ink, but the artist suggested that I add some color to make it "pop." So I trusted her, and couldn't be more happy with it. It has a lot of meaning to me. Throughout my life I have always had nightmares, both in dreamland and in reality. The point of a dream catcher is to catch the bad dreams in the net, so that only good ones come to you. I was introduced to dream catchers when I was 8 years old. My brother had gone to basic training. I forget what state he was sent to, but I remember a letter he wrote me while he was there that said he was, "where all the cowboys and indians used to live." As a child, I loved cowboys and indians, and I always wanted to know more about them. When he came home, he brought with him a dream catcher that was very large and had three nets intertwined in it. I had that dream catcher for so long that it began to fall apart. I stitched it back together using duct tape and staples. When my family and I moved, I lost it. My mother claims that it must've been lost in the move, but I think she threw it out because it was so old and beat up. The roses on my tattoo symbolize life. The beginning, the transformations, and the beauty that come with it. The hummingbird symbolizes inspirations, peace, and joy. I believe that these are all things that I desire in life, and that I work towards to achieve. This tattoo comes together as a whole in my pursuit of happiness, love, and satisfaction in my life.

When I found my soul-mate

My boyfriend, Sean, and I having a blast at Hampton Beach

When it came to romance, I started off in a bad way, as I've mentioned in a previous post. But, I didn't give up until after high school, when I broke up with my long-time boyfriend. We had been together for three long years, and grown very close. I was convinced that he was the one, and was heartbroken when we couldn't make it work anymore. Things never ended on a bad term, in fact it was quite mutual, but still very hurtful. I left the relationship without an closure and kept craving to go back for more. I knew it was for the best since we were both on different paths in life, and my mother told me that, "It wasn't meant to be with him, because your soul-mate is still looking for you." I met the love of my life through my brother, who had been friends with him for quite some time; through my cousin, who had played hockey with him as a child; and through a mutual friend, who had known him all of his life and even went to high school with him. Despite our mutual acquaintances, we had never known that the other existed. Until one night, we were all together having a couple drinks at a bar. Immediately, we hit it off and soon enough we became close friends. I never looked at him as a romantic interest. To be honest, I wasn't looking for love, and I was bitter about it. After failing so many times, and being so hurt the last time, I wanted nothing to do with a relationship. I told him how I looked at him as a brother-type figure. He was protective, yet fun, sensitive, caring, and generous. I'm not sure when, or even how it exactly happened, but we're together, and in it for the long run. He's a few years older than me, so he dreams about marriage and children more often than I do, but we picture a future together. I'm not sure exactly what will happen in the future, but I know what I want to happen. I can tell you this much, every single relationship I've been in before him, I only thought that I was in love. It wasn't until I met him that I realized how forced those relationships and feelings were. Our love is natural, and patient. One quote that I like to relate it to is a Bible verse (although I'm not very religious). I quote, "1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away." This is a beautiful quote that I never understood until I feel in love with my best friend. I'm so happy that I gave love a chance again, and now I can quote with honesty that it truly is "better to have loved, than to have never loved at all..."  

A Mother With No Children, Is a Tough Job to Have.

I was workin' nine to five

Actin' like a momma

Tryin' to make some cash

But dealin' with a bunch of drama

I was put in a room with babies screamin' and cryin'

Being told that I had to calm them

Or I'd be fired, my boss was implyin'

I worked harder than any in that joint

But that bitch pushed me passed my breaking point

It was one snowy winter day

I was sick as a dog

I called into work 

With the voice of a frog

She yelled, "Get your ass here"

But I hung up the phone

I ain't lettin' her talk to me

In that kinda tone

She called back to say 

That I'd lose my job

I said bitch I don't care

You're nothin' but a snob

Nah I'm only foolin' I didn't say all that

But I should've since she was bein' a brat

I popped a few advil and headed to work

When she saw me walk in she had a lil' smirk

"Feelin' better I see?" 

She snarled sarcastically

"I love these kids, and bein' their teacher,

But I can't stand you or your features"

These things I thought in my quiet mind

While I put in my notice and resigned

The children were lovely

And the job rocked

But my boss made me miserable 

So I decided to walk....